I thought I had spoken my famous last words on this blog, and I was almost correct. I just thought you deserved to know, what I’m doing now, as my point was to leave nothing unsaid.
When things are getting out of hand, a few extra pairs may come in helpful
Happiness. It’s a weird thing, really. Especially when dealing with major depression. Happiness is just… Weird.
I’ve been writing this post over and over in my head, looking for words, only to find that all my sentences are perfect and all my sentences are terrible.
I have found that happiness, for me, is just a feeling of completeness. A feeling of no loose ends, no hard feelings and nothing left unsaid. But of course, there are always loose ends (homework undone, appointments not yet completed), there are always hard feelings (I hope you die alone) and there are, most of all, always things left unsaid (I don’t know the words I want to say to you)
I have always feared death terribly. I’ve been lying awake for hours, thinking about the fact that I’m going to die. It’s the most irrational fear possible, as it is the one thing we can’t possibly avoid. But today I’ve found that I don’t think I’m afraid of death itself. I’m afraid of the loose ends, the hard feelings and the words left unsaid. But tonight, I do not fear death.
I have found, that happiness to me, is probably this feeling: The feeling, that if I were to die right now, I could do so with a clean conscience - a feeling, that if I were to die right now, everyone I care about would miss me, that I would’ve left on good terms with everyone. No hard feelings. That they would remember how much I loved them, because that was the last of me they experienced.
My worst nightmare of death, has always been dying alone, old and angry. Having chased away all who loved me, tied up in a dusty, old noose of my own lost dreams and rock hard bitterness. But if I die tonight, I would die happy. Or at least, I would die knowing I’m not alone.
I won’t die tonight. Don’t worry. But something has changed inside me this day.
Eventhough,
there are still loose ends,
there are still hard feelings and
there will probably always be words unsaid, but let these be some of the last I say on this blog:
I love you very much, and I want you to be happy. But remember who made you happy. And remember who did not. Please, let that be your promise to me - if I promise to live - that you do not waste time on those, who did not make you happy. You deserve better and you will get something better. There is not a single doubt in my mind. But do not give them another chance to hurt you - they already wasted the greatest person, they would ever get to hurt.
I love you.
This is my last post. These were my famous last words.
Hi from the past.
I was woken today by the smell of bacon, and a gentle rustle, with SURPRISE BREAKFAST IN BED, w/ fried egg, lots of bacon, white bread and milk by my bedside, oh Jesus christ, you have given me so awesome friends, how is that even possible. I can’t.
You’re just as awesome.
When I say it’s you I like, I’m talking about that part of you that knows that life is far more than anything you can ever see or hear or touch. That deep part of you that allows you to stand for those things without which humankind cannot survive. Love that conquers hate, peace that rises triumphant over war, and justice that proves more powerful than greed.
— Fred Rogers
You want a new life. But you take the new one you get every morning for granted.
— pleasefindthis
There are more grains of sand in the soles of your shoes than you will be given winters to dream or summers to make those dreams real. And there are more stars in the sky than there are grains of sand on Earth. We live in a universe so big that a dying star, in the greater scheme of things, is as significant as spilled milk or an unkissed kiss. In an infinite amount of time, everything that can be forgotten, will be forgotten. In infinity, spilled milk and dying stars matter the same. And if you’re just someone brushing your teeth late at night or you’re a planet breathing your last breath as you disappear into a black hole, everything you do matters just the same. Every breath you take is as important or unimportant as the sun in the sky or the moon in the night. Scratching your ear, is a kind of miracle, depending on how you look at it.
— pleasefindthis
(Source: sexual-passion, via sexual-passion)
Okay, let me get this right, ALL my danish followers have a ticket to SuperWhoLock already?
IF NOT SO, AND YOU’D LIKE ONE, TELL MEE NOW.
All of those followers are awesome!
The first thing Snape asks Harry is “Potter! What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?” According to Victorian Flower Language, asphodel is a type of lily meaning ‘My regrets follow you to the grave’ and wormwood means ‘absence’ and also typically symbolized bitter sorrow. If you combined that, it meant ‘I bitterly regret Lily’s death’.
WHO THE FUCK THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO FIGURE THIS OUT
OH MY GAWD!
(via personalwikipedia)
